Masking ADHD in Women: How we hide it for years without realizing

Stephanie Angela
Mar 5
3 min read

Updated: Jun 29

Woman meditating in a calm space, showing how mindfulness helps women with ADHD regulate focus and overwhelm — Hiding your true self

Every time someone says, “But you don’t look like you have ADHD!” I want to hand them a checklist of every coping strategy I’ve used just to get through the day.

The truth is, many women with undiagnosed ADHD, especially those of us diagnosed in midlife, have become masters of hiding it. We mask, we overcompensate, we perform like we’ve got it all together.

Spoiler: we absolutely don’t, we are just great at pretending.

Childhood Masking: When “Just Try Harder” Becomes Your Inner Voice

Masking ADHD starts young, especially in girls. If you’re a woman who was diagnosed late, chances are your ADHD in childhood went unnoticed.

You might’ve been told you were bright but needed to “focus more” or “stop fidgeting.” So you did what so many girls with quiet ADHD symptoms do, you learned to mimic others.

You stayed out of trouble, got decent grades, and blended in. Behind the scenes though, you were battling constant overwhelm, distraction, and self-doubt.

Teenage Masking: The Perfection Act Gets Upgraded

By your teenage years, ADHD in adolescence can feel like a full-time performance. With hormones raging and social pressure peaking, the masking game gets intense.

You might have copied friends’ behaviour, rehearsed conversations in your head, or forced yourself to stay still in class. You probably didn’t know it was ADHD, you just knew you felt different.

Girls and teens with female ADHD symptoms often fly under the radar, because their struggles are less disruptive, but no less real.

Adulthood: “Functional” but Fried

Welcome to high-functioning ADHD, where everything looks okay from the outside, but inside it’s constant mental gymnastics. ADHD masking in women often gets mistaken for high achievement, overthinking, or emotional sensitivity.

You’ve created systems on top of systems, post-its, alarms, to-do lists on your phone, desk, and even your hand. You joke off your forgetfulness, apologise for “talking too much”, and cover your stress with a smile.

At work, you might be seen as quirky or scatterbrained, but no one sees the toll it takes. You’re constantly adapting, spinning plates, and on the edge of burnout.

That’s the reality of ADHD in adult women, hiding the struggle behind productivity.

Midlife ADHD Masking in Women: When the Mask Starts to Slip

When midlife ADHD enters the chat, everything shifts. You’re tired. The mask is slipping. Your coping mechanisms? Crumbling.

For many of us, a diagnosis in our 40s or 50s brings both grief and relief. We realise we were never lazy or broken, just neurodivergent, and misunderstood.

The beauty of a late ADHD diagnosis is that it gives you choice. Keep pretending? Or finally take off the mask and be your real self, quirks, chaos and all?

Unmasking Is Scary, but it’s Also Freedom

Let’s be honest, unmasking ADHD can feel terrifying. You’ve spent decades shaping yourself to fit the mould, so who even are you underneath all that? But that’s where freedom lives.

You start asking for what you need. You stop apologising for forgetting things, needing rest, or doing things differently. You begin to work with your ADHD brain, not constantly against it and that, my friend, is when the healing truly starts.

So, What’s the Takeaway?

Masking might have helped you survive, but it’s no way to thrive. If you’re on the unmasking your ADHD journey, be patient with yourself. This is big work. Important work.

You are allowed to let go of the act. You don’t need to be "on" all the time. You are just finally learning to take the mask off. Dont apologize, your true friends will respect you for it and will be proud that you are taking steps to find the real you. Just make sure you are becoming PROUD of yourself for how far you have come.